<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n January of my senior year of college, four of us headed for Florida \u201cto work on our tennis games.\u201d As part of that on court development, we ventured into a Jai Alai arena in Miami one evening. Unfamiliar with the sport and ignorant of its subtleties, I quickly became bored and prepared to leave. But soon after placing a two-dollar bet, my face was plastered against the protective viewing glass screaming, \u201cGo Cuatro!\u201d Anyone can see that after placing my bet, \u201cI had skin in the game.\u201d I went from passive and bored to an amped up fanatic. I share the experience because the difference in feeling was so dramatic, so visceral and so immediate. (It\u2019s a little like filling out your NCAA basketball bracket in March and putting your $5 into the office pool.)<\/p>\n Red-faced and exhausted, you look across the kitchen table at your son and throw up your hands \u2013 unwilling to \u201cgo to the mat\u201d with him one more time about finishing his homework. Now think, when it comes to finishing homework, \u201cWho has the skin in the game?\u201d As a parent, you are in a \u201cdamned if you do, damned if you don\u2019t\u201d position. You know for a fact that there is a world of difference in the outcomes of kids whose parents care and those who don\u2019t. But at what price? You are their parent, not their friend. But you shouldn\u2019t have to be the enemy in the process. Some days it feels like that, and you can see why many parents just let things slide. Parents do their own form of coasting. The child says, \u201cI got it done at school\u201d and accepting that excuse saves another evening of battling. Structure, limits and high expectations are essential. But motivation to do homework or work around the house should not just come from outside the child. There is a limit to how well that will work, and the older the child gets, the less well external sources of motivation work.<\/p>\n The secret to work at school, work at home, or work on the ball field is investment. If the child is not invested in the process, there are serious limits to what they can accomplish and how much they can be motivated. But, there is a magic formula for investment. Some might say, \u201cSecret Formula\u201d given the common absence of its application. It is simply:<\/p>\n (I want) x (I can) = Investment<\/strong><\/p>\n If I have some skin in the game, if I truly want something, I am motivated to go after it. Equally as important is the belief that I can accomplish what I am after. When I want something and believe I am capable of achieving it, I\u2019m invested. As a parent, a teacher, or a coach, we need to be on the correct side of this equation. If the child perceives the formula to read:<\/p>\n (You want) x (I can) = investment<\/strong><\/p>\n the investment depends more on not wanting to disappoint the parent, coach or teacher and less on something internal for the child. Like I said, the older the child, the less this second formula works. Adults who rely on the second formula usually have a rude awakening when the investment evaporates with adolescence.<\/p>\n Before you focus on what they should do, you need to focus on what goal they truly seek \u2013 what will make them \u201cwant\u201d to do what it takes to get to that goal.<\/p>\n So, before you get ready to do battle again, figure out how you help your child get some \u201cskin in the game\u201d and (want). Here\u2019s a hint. Consider what the goal is and who is choosing it. If you have chosen it, then you have a lot of convincing to do to make the child want it as well. Here\u2019s another hint: Start by listening (and being curious). If you start by joining them in their world, you have a good start at gradually pulling them into your world. Some kids accept the \u201cbecause I said so\u201d rationale. But if we are hoping for kids who think for themselves, our goals can quickly conflict on this course. It takes more work to find a course that includes a genuine (I want) on the part of the child, but the \u201cbecause I said so\u201d almost universally crashes and burns. And if it doesn\u2019t, you have a whole set of different problems involving submission, accommodation, dependence, resentment, and depression waiting at the end of that developmental hallway. Or is that what we call, \u201cnormal adolescence\u201d?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Children are motivated when they genuinely want a goal and believe they can accomplish it. That is quite different than a goal we want for them or we think they can or should attain. Getting it right, in terms of the Magic Formula: INVESTMENT = (I WANT) x (I CAN), is essential to motivation […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[31,33,36,37,35],"class_list":["post-653","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-thinking-process","tag-child-development","tag-learning","tag-motivation","tag-parenting","tag-teaching","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/653","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=653"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/653\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":654,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/653\/revisions\/654"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=653"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=653"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childproofingforadolescence.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=653"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}